Tuesday, December 16, 2014

No title

There are two reasons i love motorcycles than car 

First, i cant drive. Really, i’ve learned long enough but i still cant drive

Second, it’s faster

Ok, 3 reasons, the last is the adrenalin rush. Especially when you are in hurry, the traffic is heavy, and you have to ride it with speed 60 km/h or more, it’s just beyond words. Your body is in fight or flight mode. Your heart pumps faster, your can hear your heartbeat, your muscle is tensed to act, your skeleton is ready to move, your blood travels faster, your eyes are wary of a small motion, your ears are alert of every sound, every nerve in your body is alive, you will never feel your brain more awakes. And when the wind friction against your skin you now you feel alive. 

I wish i can go around the world with motorcycles. 

Friday, December 12, 2014

Growing up

When we are young (I’m not saying that I’m old. Let’s just assume that I was older than I’m right now), we have this perfect ideal world that we create in our mind. We imagine how the world should operate, we picture how our lives should be a few years from now. We have expectation of how we are, what we are, or who we aren when we are older. We believe in those imagination so much that it becomes not merely a daydream, it becomes hope, pray, desire. Sometimes, it can become more powerful than any of that. It becomes a belief, conviction, faith. With imagination as the foundation, and  belief as the pillar, we built our life based on the imagination, and plan our action around that pillar. We are just so idealist we refuse to acknowledge other factors outside those circles. We gloss over things that can ruin our imagination, that can destroy our hope. We have envisioned our future and we forget the indisputable facts, the undeniable reality that is happening around us. There is only one passion in our mind, to develop that imagination into reality.

But as we grow older, we finally see those things that we used to refuse to see. We finally acknowledge there are some factors that we cant control, that can destroy the foundation and the pillar that we have build. We lose our grip to our belief. We will doubt everything and not know what to believe. We realize that reality doesnt always follow what we have envisioned. We become so disappointed that we reject to form any imagination that comes into our mind. We lose our ideals and morals. We turn into a bitter, cynical human being. We no longer hope of better future. Our pray no longer consists of building a future,  but only a chance to survive. That’s when we spend our days merely to go through them, not to live them.

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

One Last Day : Part 1

Hi, it's been a long time since my last writing. I created this story while I was going to a beach last Sunday. I hope I havent lost my touch. Enjoy :)

We were sitting by the beach, enjoying the moment. The wind brought vaporized water slapping our faces as it passed by. The wave, encouraged by the wind, struggled each other, racing to the shore. The white sand felt soft beneath us. The sun was still on the horizon, but slowly it went west soon to set. There was a fishing boats far away in the sea. The white clouds made funny forms on the sky. It seemed like the weather would be fine tonight. 

We had been sitting for almost an hour and didnt say a word. The silence was almost unbearable for me, but I didnt know how to break it. I just couldnt find any word to make a conversation. The wind blew stronger toward the sea, yet the waves got bigger instead of vanished.

“You know what I love the most about sea?” she asked, her eyes were still fixing on the view in front of us.

“What?” I looked at her. The wind blew her long hair, and the sun illuminated it. 

“The waves. They remind me of two people united as lovers. They walk by themselves at first, but at some point, some of them unite as one to form a bigger wave then they walk togther towards the end, “ she stared me in the eye and smiled.

“Do you know what I hate the most about sea?” she asked while staring at the distant.


“Guess it,” The sun looked really so beautiful.

“Rocks? Coral?” She shook her head on both answers.

“I give up.” The weather was getting more chill.

“You are not trying hard enough,” she gave the usual pucker mouth that would always made me laugh.

“It’s also the waves. Do you know why?”At the moment I understood what she stared all the time. It was the waves.

“Hmm?” I tried to figure out the reason, but I couldnt find one good enough.

“Because they reminded me of the journey of life. You see, at the beginning they are very small, then they grow bigger and taller till their highest peak, which is also indicating the beginning of their turning point. And slowly after that, magically they shrink, as if life is forcefully sucked out of them, smaller till they vanished into oblivion,” she paused. “That also happens to humans. We are born tiny, over they years we grow into adulthood, which is our peak time. After that, our strength declines as the time passes by. By the time of our death, if we die by natural cause, our strength depletes, back to the time we are born. Then we just disappear into oblivion, just like the waves.”

I didnt know what I was supposed to feel, but one thing for sure. I was scared, scared to find out where this conversation would be going.

“You know, what will I regret the most?” I couldnt think of an answer. All I could do is just stared blankly into the space. 

“Well, of course I’ll regret not being able to get married, having kids, grand kids, growing old. The kind of stuff that usually happens to normal people. But, what I’ll regret the most is that not knowing where this relationship will be going. I’ll die not knowing if you and me will ever be together, not knowing whether we...”

“Dont.......” I cut in before she finished her words, “Dont talk to me as if you know when you’re gonna die. Dont speak as if you’re gonna die tomorrow. Because you wont. Because your medication will eventually work out, maybe not good enough to cure you but good enough to keep you healthy and live for another 10 years to witness the breakthrough of medicine that will cure you. I dont know where our relationship will take us, but I hope.. no, I can promise you that we will grow old together, and I’ll always try to be there for you, and maybe you will even die later than me.”

Her eyes opened wide, staring directly into my eyes. I know she was surprised, because even I was surprised how emotional I was. She smiled, the smile that she used when I had done something silly. “You know what I dont regret?”

“Letting you into my life, and allowing my self open to you.” She leaned her body forward, drew her lips close to my ear, whispered, “Thank you,” and gave me a peck on the cheek.

“My my, look at you. Let’s wipe away those tears, shall we?” I didnt even realize I cried. 

“Ah, this wind gives me chill. Brrr,” she wrapped the coat tighter to her body.

“Do you want to go home?” I asked her while wrapping blanket around her.

“No, I want to see the sunset and the sky slowly turns into black. I want to see the stars and the moon. It’s supposed to be full moon tonight.”

“Yeah,” then we were in silence again. The sun slowly set, leaving the sky red color as if someone poured the red paint onto it.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it? The sunset. But no matter how beautiful it is, it always gives me sorrow. Because I realize that a day is over again, and it means one day of my life in this world diminished.”

And like magic, suddenly the world went dark, as if someone turned off the light.

“That’s the moon and stars. You know, someday I want to learn about astronomy. I dont want to just enjoy the view, I want to learn them,” she went closer to me and put hear head on my shoulder and closed her eyes.

The moon shines so bright and there were many stars on the sky. I didnt know how long we sat like that in silence. I could feel her breath slowed and her heart beat weakened, then somehow I thought that she was dead. 

“Lola, are you asleep?” 

“Mmm,” her eyes still closed.

“Let’s go back. You must be exhausted,” I ran my fingers through her hair, only to realize how thin her hair was.

“Let me carry you,” I picked her up carefully, I could feel how fragile she was. She must have lost more than 20 pounds in the last few months.

Then we went back to my home, which wasnt far from the beach. I put her into her bed and looked at her figure one last time before I went to bed. Her skinny pale cheeks and the prominent cheekbones, her sunken, big eyes. Her small pale lips. Her tiny figure. She used to be so pretty, with beautiful rosy cheeks, stary brown eyes, full red lips. She was full of life. She was still so beautiful, but the disease had taken the life out of her.

Part 2 coming soon :)